Reay Jespersen

******* SPOILERS *******

Kate Winslet: Hey, Leo DiCaprio. You’re young and attractive and whimsical.

Leo DiCaprio: Now I’m a grown man doing a job I don’t like but must keep to pay for our suburban lifestyle. Including our 2 kids, who you see maybe four times in the movie. (Aside to audience: It also lets me be close to a woman that looks like Mel from Flight of the Conchords, who’s I guess attractive in an odd way, so I’m starting an affair with her.)

KW: I hate you and I hate this life.

LD: I hate things, too!

KW: Now I love you again.

LD: Well, you-… I… what?

Realtor: Could my clinically insane son visit?

KW: Of course!

KW & kids (burning one of their appearances): Happy Birthday, Leonardo DiCaprio!

LD: [tear]

KW: We have enough money to move to Paris, like you said you wanted to, back when you were young and attractive and whimsical!

LD: Really? But-

KW: No, let’s!

LD: But-

KW: No, let’s!

LD: Ok. Yes, let’s!

Everyone in the movie: You’re doing what?

KW & LD: Did you see their expressions? We’re drunk and horny. Let’s do it here and now! UH-UH!

Realtor’s Clinically Insane Son: I’m the most oddball yet insightful character in the movie. I’m going to drop some meaningful stuff right here, and it’ll strike a chord with you.

KW & LD: He’s the only one who gets us.

KW: I’m 10 weeks pregnant.

LD’s boss: Here, have a promotion!

KW: But what about Paris?

KW and LD’s neighbour friend: We’re drunk and horny. Let’s do it here and now! UH-UH!

KW: I hate you and I hate this life.

LD: Yeah, so about Paris. Also, about your sanity…

KW: I love you. Now I will abort our child in a dangerous manner. [Dies]

Realtor: Pfft. I never liked them anyway.

End.