REAY JESPERSEN:
WRITER OF, AND DABBLER IN,
MANY THINGS

Local Man Changes Name To Be The Most Canadian Name Ever

Lethbridge, AL - The man formerly known as Peter Cramdon has a new name these days.
     Having lost a bet — he admits that there may have been drinking involved — he was already on the hook to legally change his first name to Gord, but he decided that he may as well take the change even further.
     “At first I was going to change the whole name to just have some fun with it,” the former Mr. Cramdon says. “I came up with a bunch of different ideas and combinations, but probably my favourite was to make Gord the second name, make Chicken the first, and change the family name to Enblue, so the whole name would’ve been Chicken Gord Enblue. That was decided at dinner one night. That was it. I was going to go to the provincial services office first thing the next morning and fill in the paperwork.”
     But everything changed when he caught the Edmonton Oilers playing later that same day. “While I sat there drinking a beer and watching hockey, I realized I could be doing way more with this name change thing than I was thinking at first. I could — kind of should — make it more patriotic. And I knew right then that I had to make it the most Canadian name ever.”
     Having been watching hockey when the idea first occurred to him, due homage was paid: Hockey became part of his new name. As did Beer. “I was going to go with Molsons at first, but then I remembered that it was bought out by Coors, so that kind of ruined it. I decided to just go with the generic drink.”
     That new approach led him to search for the most Canadian words ever and play around with them until he was satisfied with how it looked and sounded. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
     The final product, which now appears on government documentation? (Drumroll, please…)
Gord Hockey Toque Poutine Beavertail Buttertart Ketchupchip Double-Double Beer Tortiere. “Of the Lethbridge Tortieres,” he jokes.
     That’s a mouthful for anyone, but he admits that he doesn’t expect people to be able to memorize the whole thing as he has. He says that he had to go through the added step of truncating it from the full, official name to something that would fit on a birth certificate and driver’s licence, which will appear as Gord Hockey Tortiere.
     But if you ever have occasion to meet him or talk to him, he’s happy enough if you just stick with the spirit of the original bet. To friends and family, he’ll always just be Gord.

For Crying Out Loud...

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